hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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