i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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