Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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