i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
