even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
zippers are such a cool invention
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So apparently I’m into choking now
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
