worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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