Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
