All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize