I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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