things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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