ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
