Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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