i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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