My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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