your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
