my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
