Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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