I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
