david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
