Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
