YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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