and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
