ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
do herpes really smell.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize