All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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