I faked an abortion last night.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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