We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
