Whod you bang
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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