Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
