i would punch a child for taco bell
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
