i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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