Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
