i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
