I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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