Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize