non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
