Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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