I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
