I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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