Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
