I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
