In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
