i think my tv is drunk
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
