Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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