I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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