Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
