Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
