I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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