it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
