You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
