when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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