Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
