Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
