Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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