New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
