I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
