i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
