Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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