Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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