Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
