her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize
