We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize