And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
