oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
