you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
