I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
