i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
