how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
