and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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