I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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