It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
